Kyiv, Russia—In the April 2018 General Conference, President Russell M. Nelson announced that a temple would be built in, “a major city yet to be determined in Russia.” This morning the Mormon prophet admitted: “When I made that announcement, I had no idea that the temple already existed! The Lord truly works in mysterious ways.”

Many church members are seeing the Russian takeover of Ukraine as proof that Nelson is indeed a prophet of God. “How else could he have known that there would be a temple in a major city in Russia so soon?!?” asked one wild-eyed church member who then proceeded to hum, “We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet.”

Excited by these new developments, the church has begun feverishly constructing at least a dozen new temples on the island of Taiwan.