Ashland, OH—A Calvinist man late to work for the 67th day in a row told his upset boss that God is to blame for making him late again.

“God made me late against my will,” the man told his boss. “In fact, he’ll probably make me do a bunch of other bad things against my will like steal a car or rob a bank,” the man continued.

“God rules the world like Kim Jong-un rules North Korea… He does a lot of bad things to his people but it’s all justifiable because it’s all for the good of North Korea,” said the calvinist.