Provo, UT—The popular Chuck-A-Rama food chain has announced a new pricing policy that charges Tongans, Somoans, and some really fat white people double in order to ensure that the company makes its quarterly profits.

“These islanders were going to eat us into bankruptcy if we didn’t do something about it,” said Chuck-A-Rama CEO. “This new policy will ensure that we are being equitable to each one of our customers.”