Washington, D.C.—President Joe Biden’s vaccine mandate was so popular and so effective that he decided to do us all another favor—force us all to floss our teeth.

“Floss your teeth or lose your job; plain and simple,” explained the president. He continued, “Look, I know we’re all frustrated at those who don’t floss their teeth regularly. The fact is, flossing prevents gum disease. Those who continue to refuse to floss are putting the rest of us in danger.”

Experts are calling this a watershed moment for preventative mouth care. “What we’ve learned from COVID,” explains Ami Hobbs from the CDC’s Department of Government Takeover, “is that forcing people works. Is it borderline slavery? No. It is slavery. But it works. And that’s what matters.”