Salt Lake City, UT—The new Salt Lake Temple renovation will include a safe space where patrons can seek solitude from the endowment and other offensive rituals performed in the House of the Lord.

Whether the patron is offended by the patriarchy or uncomfortable with all the masonic rituals and symbols, they now have a place to go where they can vent their frustrations out by violently throwing themselves against a padded wall, sucking their thumb in the fetal position, or screaming, “Down with the patriarchy” as loud as they want.

A man wearing a blue apron has been seen wandering the safe space serving fruit to upset patrons.