Salt Lake City, Utah—This last General Conference, M. Russell Ballard shocked church members by reversing a long-held position that being single sucks. “Forget everything you learned in the temple,” Elder Ballard began, “forget everything you heard Elder Packer say—it’s okay to be single.”

Late Apostle Boyd K. Packer was famous for teaching, “The end of all activity in the Church is to see that a man and a woman with their children are happy at home, sealed for eternity.” Since the conservative apostle is dead, however, his statement is no longer true. In fact, the church correlation department has assured us that Elder Packer never actually said those things.

The Church Handbook of Instructions was updated to say, “The end of all activity in the Church is to see that women and men are miserable and lonely at home; widowed, unmarried, or divorced for eternity.”