Salt Lake City, UT—A Utah man who listens to John Dehlin religiously, claims he does NOT belong to a cult. “The Mormon Church is the Cult!” he spat at an interviewer after his fifth episode of ‘Mormon Stories’ of the day.

“John Dehlin saved my life by giving me knowledge and showing me things the Mormon Church doesn’t want you to know,” he said with bloodshot eyes.

When asked by the interviewer what things the LDS Church doesn’t want you to know the man went on to explain:

“Have you ever heard of Solomon Spalding? Well it turns out that Sidney Rigdon stole this guys book that he didn’t ever publish and gave it to Joseph Smith, but Joseph Smith was too dumb, so Sidney Rigdon helped him turn it into a book and BAM! The Book of Mormon, man…”

He continued, “Also, the first vision isn’t want the church tells you it is… there were like four different accounts of it, which makes it totally false, unlike the four different accounts of Jesus’ life, which make it TOTALLY true. BUT, John Dehlin had this one guy on one time, who says that Joseph Smith DID have a visitation, but that it was actually Salamander Aliens from the planet LV-426 and they told Joseph Smith how to destroy Christianity and how he was going to be the anti-Christ, fourth horseman of the Apocalypse.”

The interviewer then backed away slowly while the man began spewing vomit out of his spinning head.