Frustrated that church members have been unable to understand their recent general conference addresses, Elder Jeffery Holland made the following clarifying statement concerning the church’s message and direction: “Let me make myself abundantly clear… Booba chooga ding dong poo poo!”

Church headquarters have been inundated with letters from members who are confused about the meaning of the brethren’s general conference addresses and various other public statements. Elder Holland’s message, however, seems to have resonated with the general church membership.

“Finally, a statement from the brethren that makes sense!” said one elders quorum president from Lehi, Utah. A woman from Holladay, Utah said that Elder Holland’s statement was, “proof of the ongoing restoration.”

Not everyone was happy with the senior apostle’s declaration, however. A feminist from Salt Lake City, Utah had this to say: “While I’m happy the brethren are being more clear these days, I’m unhappy with the use of the word ‘Booba.’ This is another example of a patriarchal, misogynistic church leadership who is implicitly aggressive towards women.”