Salt Lake City, UT—In a totally genius conference talk, Elder Oaks has convinced women that they hold the priesthood without letting them actually be in charge.

Feminist church members are now celebrating, and don’t seem to notice the complete lack of female bishops, temple presidents, and apostles.

“I don’t care that I can’t hold the sealing power. My bishop called me to teach primary, and that means I have the priesthood!” said one feminist.

All the brethren have to do now is convince homosexuals that they can be gay without ever letting them do anything gay.