The North Pole—After Mr. Potato Head was assigned gender surgery, experts are now predicting that Santa Claus will become a trans-black-asian-atheist by Christmas.
“The idea of a jolly old white guy leaving presents under the Christmas tree sends a message of toxic masculinity and white supremacy. I just can’t sleep soundly on Christmas Eve until I know that Santa is a gender confused minority who doesn’t believe in religious fairy tales,” said Susan Sassy, a political science major at the University of Utah.
Experts also predict that Mrs. Clause will be cancelled altogether for wearing an apron, baking good cookies, and acting like a lady.