Salt Lake City, Utah—In a stunning display of reckless abandon President Russell M. Nelson was seen without a mask at this morning’s session of General Conference. Scientists estimate that all church leaders will be dead within two weeks.

Mormons everywhere have forgotten what to believe about COVID-19. “Do vaccines actually work?” cried one member in frustration. Weeping, another latter-day saint lamented, “Why does President Nelson want to kill people? I thought he was a doctor! I thought he would follow the science!”

President Nelson explained the decision not to wear a mask on Twitter: “I took my mask off early so that I wouldn’t have red lines on my face when I gave my talk. I deeply regret my decision to act according to reason. Going forward, let’s all recommit to pointless and humiliating obedience.”