Salt Lake City, UT—The world has taken great interest in Elder Soares’ weight loss after being ordained an apostle three years ago. This conference, however, it was evident that Elder Renlund has edged Elder Soares out by about 15lbs.
The Church offices have notified us that the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles is participating in their very own Biggest Loser Competition. They have not notified us of the current standings, but it’s obvious that Elder Renlund is now in first place and Elder Bednar is in dead last, having weighed 68 lbs his entire life.
Elder Soares made a personal statement about his performance saying, “I apologize to all my fans out there. The truth is I’ve been binge eating Swiss Rolls and Cheese Wiz as I’ve been nervous about my conference talk today. But no more excuses. I promise to rededicate myself, and you will see next General Conference who really is the biggest loser!”