Ur, Mesopotamia—If you’ve used a wheel lately, you’re probably a Grand Wizard-level white supremacist. If you didn’t know this, it’s time to educate yourself.

The wheel was invented by white people. This allowed white nations to excel technologically above brown and black nations, and so led to millennia of white supremacy. Also, the wheel is considered racist because of its connection to the cotton gin, a machine that uses wheels.

The solution is radical, yet simple: destroy everything that uses wheels. Buses, wheel chairs, Ferris wheels, clocks, cotton gins, dentist drills, roller blades, pizza cutters, pizza pans, pizzas, door knobs, electric generators, steam rollers, steam engines, gas engines, fidget spinners, rolling pins, bicycles, tricycles, airplanes, water wheels, go karts, gyroscopes, and in general anything that is circular, rolls, or provides mechanical advantage—it’s all racist; it’s all gotta go.

Tune in next week when we cancel agriculture to be more sensitive to hunter-gatherer cultures.