Salt Lake City, Utah—Vegas has weighed in, and Elder Peter M. Johnson of the Seventy is favored to become the next LDS Apostle with odds of a million to one. Johnson, the experts say, is not only super righteous, but is also likely favored by God due to his skin color.

Born in Jamaica… New York, Elder Johnson’s skin color will allow Church members to pretend he’s from Africa, just like Elder Gong’s last name lets members pretend he’s from China.

Additionally, there are increasing concerns about the Church’s legitimacy as a corporation having no BIPOC community members on its board of directors… I mean, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. As one prophet from the Provo 57th ward Sunday School put it, “The Church will stop being true if we don’t get a black apostle soon!”

If Elder Johnson doesn’t get the spot it will likely go to one of these other black guys: Edward Dube, Adeyinka A. Ojediran, Thierry K. Mutombo, or Joseph W. Sitati.