Salt Lake City, UT—The First Presidency has revealed that Heavenly Mother is indeed a stay at home mom.

“This partially answers the question as to why we don’t hear from her more often,” explains President Dallin H. Oaks, “She’s busy at home taking care of the children while her husband is out creating worlds and having important meetings with his prophets.”

Feminists are gathering in Salt Lake City in opposition to the Church’s announcement. “Staying at home for eternity is worse than spirit prison!” claimed one protester. The Church has issued the following statement in response to the protests:

“We understand the heartache and disappointment of some of our members. Your questions and concerns are important. We may not get all the answers we need in this life, but rest assured that all of Heavenly Father’s wives are eternally fulfilled and happy.”