Cottonwood Canyon, UT—According to credible television sources, Roswell crash debris is being stored inside the Church’s top secret Cottonwood Canyon vaults.

“We always knew the Church was hiding something big inside those vaults, but we never expected it would be something as big as this,” said alien expert Giorgio Tsoukalos.

The Church has denied these allegations on multiple accounts, but Tsoukalos says that’s an expected answer from Apostles who are probably some sort of alien lizard people themselves.