Provo, UT—The Honor Code at Brigham Young University (BYU) has recently had sections deleted relating to the university’s homosexual students. This has caused a wave of enthusiasm across campus as many students who identify as gay rejoice in the prospects of the moment. While BYU has not commented on nor clarified the recent change, most anti-Mormon news outlets assume that gay students are now allowed to date, hold hands, and kiss; that is, as long as they don’t pass first base and their intent is not to marry.
For Devin Johnson, this change has been extraordinarily empowering. The senior accounting major, who has been married for two years now, has long remained quiet about his one true dream: to kiss girls who are not his wife.
“I’m not a polygamist,” says Johnson, “nor do I want to be. I just really, really want to kiss more girls.”
And with the new policy changes, Johnson may just get what he wants. “My intention is not to marry any of these girls,” he explains, “nor do I intend to engage in sexual relations with them. But,” he continues, “I married a brunette, and sometimes I want to kiss a blonde. Should not the same standard that applies to the homosexuals also apply to me?”
Sarah, Johnson’s wife, is a fan of the idea: “I just can’t give him all that he wants, you know? Men want variety. If two men are now able to date each other at BYU, why can’t my husband go on dates with some pretty girls?”
In response to Johnson’s recent media attention, BYU’s Honor Code Office has issued a statement: “We have a deep concern for the welfare of our students. We have met with students already and will continue to do so as we seek to make our campus a positive environment for all. We will always listen to our students, no matter what it is they’re saying.”
Johnson is not the only one to take notice of BYU’s new Honor Code. The famed BYU Groper has joined the discussion too. “I think the new policy is great,” Groper says, “I only wish they had changed these rules before they kicked me out of school.”
While it was too late for him personally to benefit from the new policy, Groper is optimistic about BYU’s future. “We have won a lot of ground recently,” he says, “and if this new honor code is as it seems, there may actually be room at BYU for more people like me.”