Salt Lake City, UT—You’ve heard it before: Don’t let your kids spend too much time in front of a screen. But is there any factual basis to this familiar doomsday mantra? A new groundbreaking study from child psychologist Dr. Myra Smarterthanu from the Institute of Unbiased Research, suggests that the best age to introduce smartphone technology to children is around 3 months old.

“Not every family or child is going to be the same,” explains Dr. Smarterthanu. “We found that some children took to the screen as early as 1 ½ months, while others resisted until as late as 4 or 5 months.”

But isn’t this too early? Shouldn’t we let our kids have a childhood? Compelling new research says no. Dr. Smarterthanu describes her study: “We interviewed 128 children from ages 1 to 3 from a broad range of socioeconomic backgrounds. Having a childhood and being well adjusted were not primary concerns for any of the subjects interviewed.”

Many parents object to giving devices with internet access to children so young. They fear that young ones will encounter dangerous content accidentally. “This old way of thinking is unjustified,” says Dr. Smarterthanu. Her study concludes; “It is better that our children encounter dangers such as pornography and predatory behavior at an early age rather than waiting until 8 or 9 to face these sometimes thorny situations.”

Indeed, the Center for Really Sophisticated Social Science Research has recently shown that softcore pornography can actually have a positive influence on the developing mind. Dr. Koolaide, the institute’s director and lead research investigator, explains, “Definitive research has shown that if softcore pornography is viewed semi-regularly to regularly starting before a child’s first birthday, then that child will be 4 to 5 times more successful in navigating hardcore pornography after marriage.”

Alicia Gardner, a political basket weaving major at Brigham Young University, says that she believes a change is necessary in the cultural thinking. “I hope to have children one day; after I retire,” explains the college sophomore, “and I just hope the stigma about smartphones and pornography can change by that time.” She continues, “A lot of parents want to raise their children in fear; fear of the new, and fear of the unfamiliar. I just wish that parents can start listening to the facts; start listening to the research before they make these kinds of decisions. Because isn’t that what life is all about anyway—the research?”

About the Author: MacKynnzie Bigshot is an unbiased journalist who only writes about indisputable facts. If you disagree with her, you are a fascist dinosaur. She loves hiking and sushi.